Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and as I have been thinking of this past year and all the experiences had, lessons learned, successes as well as failures, great memories and ones I’d rather not have to re-live… I can see now what I couldn’t always see.
Seeing isn’t always with the eyes. It’s sometimes with the heart and brain and it’s sometimes with your gut. What I see is the love I have in me for myself and others.
At one point in life, I recall saying “Happy Thanksgiving” with a huge smile on my face and I know now that they were hollow words.
I knew what I was supposed to say. I knew how I was supposed to act but it wasn’t genuine. Not because I was completely self absorbed but in hindsight, I believe I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t truly thankful and I wasn’t truly in love with the person I was.
I was miserable inside, so how could I be anything else on the outside- aside from false smiles and erroneously kind words?
What I ponder is what caused that unhappiness? I have a great family. I grew up with talents of karate and dance. I always had 20 friends around… so what set that path. We’re all on our own journey and some of my reasonings are still being determined.
The point is, I wasn’t happy or thankful, yet I was really good at pulling it off that life was fine.
It wasn’t until I really began to love myself that I was able to escape that grey area. The grey area contains no highs and no lows- just safe grey. I now live in color and am very open and aware of the colors (emotions) of my life.
What I can tell you is living in these emotions, these gut feelings, logic and heart have brought more joy and love into my world. You may not know if your loved one is living in the grey, but you might have connected with this story yourself.
I urge you to spend time with you. Figure out who you are and know you are worthy of loving you. Once you “see” the amazing person you are, you will then “see” just how thankful you truly are for those in your life and the many gifts you have been blessed with. We don’t need much in terms of possessions. Wealth is in the form of love.
I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!!!
Julie of Rawesomely